Knowing = Enjoying

Since the Enron scandal and the collapse of Wall Street, the issues of transparency and accountability have come to the fore.  This isn't exactly an earth shattering statement.  However, I think being able to tear down the walls and let the outside see what goes on inside is a skill that transcends beyond businesses and organizations.  It's true for people, too. Why do we build walls in the first place? Because of fear, insecurity, and, maybe in the best light, pride. 

Because I enjoy museums and New York is chock-full of them, I'll use the artworld as an example of this metaphorical "tearing down of walls." Museums are using social media to reach a younger audience, sure.  But by doing this they also open themselves up to criticism.  Anyone can comment on their Facebook walls, or YouTube video uploads, etc.  But I think this is useful "feedback," whether negative or positive, for the institution in question for both program development and marketing. It's also empowering for the audience to know that they have direct access to these institutions.  Interactive art instills that same idea of empowerment.

There's also a rise in providing behind-the-scenes looks at art installations and performing arts productions.  We know that canvas didn't just paint itself and crawl up on the wall for our eyes to see, nor did the dancers in that ballet wake up that morning with their costumes and makeup on.  These were once processes reserved for a select few, the club of "very important people" to which most of us would rarely be a part of.  I think these institutions are realizing that knowing what goes on in preparation for the final product makes viewers more appreciative of the work.  I enjoy a good surprise, and often I want to form my own opinion and reaction without the influence of anyone else so I usually look for these sneak peaks after I've actually viewed the work.  I've found this to be a good approach to most things, but there are instances where I absolutely want and need to know what I'm getting myself into.  Shakespeare, for example, is not meant to be a surprise. I mean we all know what happens in Romeo and Juliet.  For those who don't know, well let me tell you: everyone dies.  Even if you don't read the full play, it helps going into it to know the plot (from Shakespeare to Ibsen to Williams).  Knowing what the story is about leaves you to enjoy the art of the performance- the verbal, the non-verbal, the lighting, and the set design.

I think the nature of contemporary art, being sort of conceptual and a bit esoteric, also makes these explanations and insider views helpful for viewers to understand and maybe relate to the artwork beyond what they would have experienced without that information.  While I don't really need to know the history of Romanticism to see the beauty in Turner's paintings.  This, in my opinion, is more difficult when one looks at contemporary art. In those cases I feel that understanding the artist's history and mental processes raises my level of enjoyment of the experience exponentially.

To return to my initial thoughts on breaking down walls and emotional barriers, I'll be the first to say it's a difficult process. But I've also found it to be a great time-saver.

Halloween all year long

I'm ready to discuss the "to show or not to show your feelings" subject. It comes down to control. Let's face it, once we open ourselves up by expressing our feelings we're giving up a bit of control. The ball's no longer in our court.  I believe self awareness- the ability to look both inside and outside of one's self- grants the ultimate form of control.  With that ability we can fashion the version of ourselves that we want the world to see. It's Halloween all year long. We all do it. But by virtue of that fashioning, are we truly ourselves if we pick and choose and hide the rest? 

I think when we develop feelings for someone, those pretenses are exaggerated more than normal. We worry more and more about what the other person thinks of us and how they might feel if we do this or say that. Then a few months or even years pass, and all of a sudden the person you're with wasn't the person you met. A friend of mine had a fling with a guy who was definitely not a keeper- from the beginning she knew it and, as her friends, we knew it. But in describing the relationship, she said it was the most honest she had ever been with a guy. Why? Simply because the guaranteed absence of a future liberated her to be able to be herself. It didn't matter if he agreed with her opinion on discrimination to minorities in the credit market or that he never met her parents. I guess it could be called a fling.  Either way, according to this friend, its was a very honest fling.

If you're reading this and you're thinking, "Hey, I should start dating my friends. We already know all the annoying things about each other and yet we're still able to get along."  One word: Don't!

The gerbil wheel

I've been watching, reading, and listening to a lot of people's takes on relationships. A byproduct of my conscious decision to take a break from the dating game after the dissolution of my last relationship. A relationship I like to think of as a dress rehearsal for the real thing.  Of course that dress rehearsal was over a year ago and it squandered two years of my precious life- three if you count the past year. Maybe squandered is a harsh word- I did learn a lot from said ex and he did leave me with some great memories. But I digress. Basically, in taking the relationship break to "figure shit out" I'm realizing it's just another spoke in life's gerbil wheel. We expend all this effort to find someone, or get someone, or keep someone. Yet, at the end of it all we're left back where we started- only sweaty, tired, and alone.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in love. But I no longer believe New York City is conducive to finding Love. I've lived here most of my whole life.  In a place that has everything and everything is available 24/7, I feel Love is ill equipped to compete. If you're in that place where your interest is casual dating or casual sex, it's heaven on earth. But take heed, the pervasiveness of these predilections is the reason Love is so hard to find here. No one plays hard to get anymore, if you play that game the other party will go elsewhere to get what they want without going through the trouble. Foreplay's been relegated to text messages and dirty emails. I'm pretty sure we're so conditioned to instant gratification that we've forgotten, or maybe some have never experienced, the build up and anticipation that feels so good when we like someone. When we do like someone, though, making the decision to reveal those feelings or to keep them to one's self is a whole other battle.  After all, if it ain't broke why fix it by bearing our souls? But I'll leave that for another day.

Here is a link to a great talk on the science of love that may be of interest:
http://www.ted.com/talks/helen_fisher_tells_us_why_we_love_cheat.html